撰文／Hoanne Chu 译者／John｜圣灵月刊385期-2009.10｜主题／我的肋骨在哪里？(上)
Is dating a non believer really that bad?
For the youths on this world, it may not seem like an important issue nowadays to have relationships with non believers, it is not like either of you are willing to take it further, such as marriage.
But lets ask ourselves one question, why devote all your heart and time into that individual if you are not benefiting from it later on? Why follow their worldly habits and disappoint our Lord Jesus if they are not to be your spouse? Creating affectionate relationships with non believers is indeed a test for our faith.
Love is blind and Satan can slip into that blindness and craft a way for you to sin and go against God without conscious. We know about King Solomon, the wisest king of all nations, but yet he was not wise enough to distinguish Satans tricks in his love life.
Solomon was a loyal and god fearing king, but yet he had a feverish love for foreign woman. Was it not because of his weakness against his foreign wives that his righteous path got lead astray? We must not follow in Solomons path.
与未信主的人约会真的那么糟吗？
对当下青年而言，和未信主的人交往似乎不再是一件天大地大的事情了。毕竟，在交往的过程中，当事人并没附带要进一步发展的但书──论及婚嫁。但是，让我们扪心自问，为什么我们要花时间、费心在一位对我们的往后人生毫无助益的人身上？
既然他（她）不会是未来的另一半，我们为什么要追随他们属世的风俗，让主耶稣失望神伤？与未信主的人谈情，不啻是对信仰的试探。爱情是盲目的，而撒但可能就隐身于其中，让我们不自觉地违逆神，走上祂所铺张的罪恶大道。
我们所知道的所罗门，虽然他的智能无人可比拟，然而他仍然不够聪明，无法发现自己已身陷撒但巧妙布下的重重情网中。所罗门是位敬畏神，对神忠心的王，但是他毕竟还是无法抑制他对外邦女子那分狂热的爱情。这岂不是因为他宠幸外邦女子的软弱，而导致他的正路愈偏于邪。我们需引以为戒，不可效尤所罗门的行径。
In Gods eyes, the people He had sanctified and had made such sacrifice to, should they again defile themselves by dating and accidently sinning?
He died on the Cross for us in order to wash away our sins and impurity, but we still walk blindlessly into those sins and traps of bonding in passion with gentiles and non believers, knowing well that it displeases him but still trying to quench the thirst for our worldly desires.
Even the most faithful and loyal to God man could be lead off into the wrong direction because of love and infatuation. Satan may not be stronger then God, but he is indeed stronger then the rest of us mere human beings.
在神的眼中看来，对于那些祂牺牲自己而使之成圣的人民岂能因约会与意外犯罪再次玷污自己呢？祂死在十架为的就是要洗去我们的罪，除去我们的不洁，纵使我们知道这事惹神不悦，但是我们仍然为了满足属世的欲念，盲目地走回罪恶捆索之中，与未信主的人同套在情箍中。不管对神是如何忠心、有信心的人，都有可能因爱和迷恋而误入歧途。撒但或许不比神的权能，但却是毫无疑问比我们任何人都更有力量。
Challenging Our Faith
It may not seem as if we are challenging our faith when our lovers are gentiles and non believers, but we are not only challenging our strength in faith but also testing Gods forgiveness in the things we do.
Intertwining our love with gentiles can cause us to stumble in our faith and bring milestones in Gods truth. Satan tempts us daily with different techniques to convey us to sin again God, but one of the easiest ways is through love and dating.
对信仰的挑战
与未信主的人交往看似不是一件危及信仰的事情，但其实这么做不但是挑战自己信仰的根基，而且还是在试探神的怜悯。与未信主的人共筑情网，只会让自己身心被缚，在信仰路上失足，在神的真理上绊跌。撒但无时无刻想要利用各种诡计诱导我们犯罪得罪神，而当中最轻易简便的手段便是透过情爱与约会。
As part of this society, weve all heard the saying “Love is blind” and undeniably it sometimes is. Dating a non believer or gentile seems okay sometimes, everybody is doing it now.
But honestly, how many times have I seen sisters and brothers who have discontinue coming to church because they had tied the knot with an unbeliever? Sadly to say, there has been too many to count.
I have seen a various number of my favourite RE teachers, or a youth in church that I looked up to; leave because of their love for their gentile partner.
I have seen the process of their slow down fall of faith; from coming every Sabbath, to every second Sabbath, to once a month to a few times a year and eventually they are lost from Gods hands.
It is a heartrending situation to watch, and as a child I watched my role models in church turn away from God to satisfy their hunger for the people of the world.
身为社会上的一分子，我们都听过“爱是盲目的”这句话，而这句话也当然有几分道理。与未信主的人约会有时候似乎是无伤大雅，因为每个人似乎都正这么做。但平心而论，有多少弟兄姊妹因为与未信主的人陷入情网后，从而消失在教会之中？自是不计其数。
已经有我许多敬爱的宗教教育教员，以及我所景仰的教会青年，都因为他们对未信主的那一半的爱而离开教会。我也目睹了他们信仰步步滑落的经过，从每安息日出席，到隔安息日，到一月一次，甚至到一年仅数次，最后他们终于远离了神的慈手。这样的情况是不忍亲睹的，孩提时代看着我在教会中学习的楷模，转身远离神，以追求世上的朋友为满足！
Putting yourself in a situation where your other half is a non believer is quite crucial. Its like a battle and struggle in faith everyday. King Solomon married many foreign women. The Lord had told him to stay away from these gentiles for they may lead his heart astray and turn his head towards their gods.
But Solomon held fast to his love. Without a doubt in the end Solomon’s spiritual path mingled with the gentiles spirituality and his heart was no longer entirely devoted to God （）.
We have all heard that Solomon was indeed a very righteous king, he was wise and had a close relationship with God. But in the end his spiritual strength was beaten by the power of his desires.
去结识未信主的人作为另一半，无非是让自己身陷险境。这么做就像是让自己的信仰日日都处在挣扎与善恶交战之中。所罗门王娶了许多外邦女子，真神早就警告他要远离这些异族女子，保守己心免被诱惑而偏向他们的神。
但是所罗门却在自己的情爱上固执，毫无疑问地，最终所罗门的信仰与外邦人信仰混杂，他也不再专心顺从耶和华（）。所罗门曾是我们所知道的公义的王，他拥有绝顶智能以及和神亲密的关系。但是，最后他的信仰根基却不免被他的私欲腐蚀殆尽。
In our days, not only does marriage clash with our spirituality and faith but dating is also a great cause because its so easy and its our way of escaping the fact that we are sinning against God.
We have to keep in mind that Satan is always on the ball to turn our heads away from our Lord Jesus Christ and to the unholy, impure desires and luxuries that the world has to offer us. He tempts us with the beautiful women and handsome men of this world.
As a growing youth, we might think were unbeatable, that love will not get in the way of our faith. But it is so easy for Satan to just snap his fingers and create the perfect, cliche moment for us to fall into adultery.
如今，不但婚姻，连约会这个轻而易举的行为，也有极大可能会使我们的信仰触礁，约会仿佛让我们忽略我们正在得罪神。然而我们必须谨记在心的是，撒但善于迷惑我们的脚步，引我们远离主耶稣，进入蔓延在这个世界上的诸多不圣洁的欲望和奢华之中。
牠以世上面貌姣好的男女为饵来诱惑我们，正值青年的我们，可能会自认自己的信仰是无懈可击的，情爱不是我们信仰路上的绊脚石。但是，撒但在弹指之间便能够设下完美的陷阱，使我们犯下淫乱之罪。
We Are Different
We as Christians are different then Gentiles and non believers, in everything we do and everything we say, we are different then the people who dont follow God’s words. Our bodies were sanctified and purified when we were washed by his blood.
We are holy and children of God so we must remain separate from the unclean. Our bodies are filled with the Holy Spirit, which dwells in us, and we are to not defile this blessing by dating gentiles or nonbelievers.
我们是不同的
身为基督徒的我们和非信主的人，不管是在说话行事上都应该有所不同，因他们不懂得遵守神的话。我们的身心既然都已经蒙主的宝血得以洗净，已获洁净的我们拥有神儿女的身分，本应和不洁之人有所分别，更何况我们的身体是圣灵的殿，所以这个恩典绝不能因为我们和未信主的人约会而受到玷污。
In our living times now, the world is a sinful and appalling place full of adultery, sins and sexual immorality. Having Satan as the king of the world, we can see the process of corruption become more and more severe.
Almost daily we read or hear about unfathomable atrocities or freak crimes committed. Immorality and darkness keep a tight rein in todays world. We go to school and work and hear that so and so has been sleeping with so and so or whos dating who.
如今，世界上满有各种充斥着淫乱、罪恶和性犯罪的诱人陷阱。这个世界因为撒但掌权。我们可以看到世界逐步堕落的过程是越发严重，几乎每天都报道着许多令人匪夷所思和违逆人性的的罪行；黑暗与罪恶正逐步掌握了世上的权势。在学校或是工作场合，常会听到许多人不讳言谈及，谁和谁又发生性关系了，谁和谁又约会去了。
But having relationships with a male and female is so common now a days, theres nothing wrong with meshing or playing around with a person of the opposite sex. The world around us is beyond sinful making it seem like a light sin for people to do that.
Worldly entertainment shows us that dating is; loving, you get flowers, chocolates and unfailing love with a person, then you get married. But we have to remember that we are godly children, our bodies are the temple of god and we must keep his words in our hearts.
We are different then the world, and honestly, how many high school lovers have you seen give chocolates, flowers and get married afterwards?
但是在现今的时代，和异性有一段情似乎是司空见惯的事了，在情场上游龙戏凤一番似乎也无伤大雅，全因生活周遭罪恶满盈，使得许多大罪便只如小过一般。电视上的娱乐节目不断向我们灌输约会有令人欣喜的浪漫、鲜花、巧克力，以及永志不渝的爱情，然后步入婚姻。
然而，我们必须记得我们是属神的子女，我们的身体是圣灵的殿，心中必须遵主的话而行。我们自是要与世界有所分别，况且，说实在的，有哪些恋人收收鲜花、巧克力，在离开学校之后，便步入礼堂成婚的？
God had once said “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common?”（） we are righteous and we must learn to keep both our hearts and minds that way. We have no simiralities with gentiles and non believers, for we are from different categories.
We have chosen Gods words, where as the gentiles have chosen the world. But we have to be able to show the difference in our behaviour and how we portray ourselves, not only in church but in the environment around you wherever you go. We must be a good Christian to God by not dating and keeping his words.
神曾说：“信与不信不能同负一轭，义和不义有什么相交呢？”（），我们是蒙神称义的，而且也必须时时保守我们的心灵。我们和未信主的人本就没有什么相干，因为我们是不同的族类。我们选择的是遵守神的话语，未信主的人选择的是附庸世上潮流。
在教会内外、生活周遭，我们都必须在实际的行为上彰显我们与未信者的不同。我们必须成为一位好的基督徒，遵守祂的话，不与未信者约会。
When we let ourselves become physically and emotionally close with a gentile, we are facing a huge trench in our road to salvation. We are opening so many different roads that Satan can choose from. Parties, clubs, dates and movies, they all sound appealing to our humanly sense.
“ why not spend a night with your boyfriend/girlfriend and just have fun? ”No harm will be done, right? Wrong. Dont lie to yourself that this time will be the last time because tell me, when a child tastes candy once, can he restrain himself to taste it again later on?
在身心上，当我们与未信主的人密不可分的时候，很有可能会成为我们救恩道路上的鸿沟。等于处处给魔鬼留下地步。舞会、俱乐部、约会，以及电影院，似乎样样都是诱惑人的。
“何不与男／女朋友共度春宵，来点乐子？这么做不会有任何不妥，不是吗？”大错特错！别自欺欺人了，不要每次都后悔地说这是最后一次了。有哪个孩子尝过甜头之后，会忍住不再尝的？
God doesnt tempt us, he doesnt sit in heaven thinking about the ways he can make you fall. James writes plainly that God does not tempt anyone （）. Apostle John reiterates, “For all that is in the world the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes and the pride of life is not of the father but is the world”（）.
God does not trick us into committing sin and adultery; we are unintentionally tricking ourselves without knowing it. You might wonder sometimes, Why does God put such an attractive individual before and forbid me to interlock with him or her?
When you come to situations like these, pray, because God will guide you through it, you have to keep your faith strong and persevere it, for Satan is always waiting at the corner, ready to take you in his malevolence hands.
神不会试探我们，祂不会坐在天上设计让人跌倒的陷阱。雅各在《圣经》中明言“神不试探人”（）。使徒约翰也说：“因为凡世界上的事，就像肉体的情欲，眼目的情欲，并今生的骄傲，都不是从父来的，乃是从世界来的。”（）。
神绝不会诱使我们犯淫乱之罪，而是我们在不觉时自堕歧途。我们或许会寻思为什么神把一位这么有吸引力的人带到我们面前，却又禁止我们和他有任何瓜葛？当你面对这种情况时，记得要祷告，因为神必会开路，我们必须坚守信仰，决心忍耐，因为撒但总是埋伏在暗处，向你伸出牠恶毒的爪牙。
Through my eyes
As a growing teen in todays society, I am faced daily with temptations and sinful offerings that are not holy in the eyes of the Lord. Do you want a smoke? Want to party this Saturday? Want to go drinking tonight? Those are all phrases that a teen faces.
Yes, sometimes my faith will waver and I wouldnt be sure if I should reply with an agreement or not. But thank God every time a door like that opens, God moves the Holy Spirit in me to shut the door and stay on his holy path.
Dating is so universal and open now a days. Relationships arent about the emotional and understanding of your partner anymore, its about the physical stages youve accomplished. As a teen I find that we are the easiest targets for Satan and sin.
We are so vulnerable at this stage and we want so badly to fit in with our friends and peers. But doing that usually means doing wrong in the eyes of God.
Honestly, how much do you even hear “Lets go to the chapel to study the words of God”? Even in church it’s “So your going to that club with him tonight?” Its unbelievably how much power Satan has over our worldly needs.
Ive seen friends that I grew up with turn away from God because of their needs for the “love of their life”. Dating is so common that sometimes we dont even remember that its displeasing to God anymore because were too focused on how to please our worldly partners and blinded by the dark beauty.
我的看法
身为当代社会的青年，我们总是每天都面对着各种诱惑和神眼中所视为不洁的罪恶。“来哈根烟吧？”“周末来场舞会吧？”“今晚来买杯醉？”这些都是青年常常面对的试探。有些时候，我们的信心的确会动摇，犹疑是否应该答应。但是，感谢神，每次当诱惑之门打开时，神透过内住圣灵的感动，让我能够拒绝诱惑，走在祂的正道上。
约会在现今的时代，是再普遍也不过的。现下“男女关系”的深浅已经不再指心灵上的交流，而是指肉体的亲暱程度。身为青少年，我觉得我们是撒但眼中最容易下手的目标。在这个年纪，我们是很难抗拒诱惑，而且也很想能够融入我们的朋友和同侪。
但是，这些事情都在神的眼中不看为正的。平心而论，有多久没听到这句话：“我们一起到教会读经吧？”甚至在教会之中，“你今晚就要和他去俱乐部？”这句话也时有所闻。我们实在是不能轻视撒但针对我们属世的情欲所设下的计谋。
和我一起长大的朋友远离神，只因他要追求生命中的爱情。约会是如此普遍，甚至我们都不记得这是不得神悦的事情，因为我们被虚假的艳丽所蒙蔽，只是处心积虑地想要讨好异性。
But there everywhere!
How am I suppose to stop interacting with gentiles? Its impossible! That is true, each day we have to face them as we go about our daily lives, everywhere we go there are non believers and gentiles. Sometimes you may even be the only True Jesus Church member in your town. But that doesn’t mean you have to go date them.
Love isnt inevitable, as long as we keep our distance and limits clear. We dont have to go into a physical and emotional level with the opposite sex because all our friends are doing it.
We dont need that extra hunky guy as arm candy or that slim pretty girl to impress our friends. We need to impress God; show him that you can hold fast to the truth even though you are surrounded with evil and sexual immorality.
我们要如何不再与外邦人交往？这是不可能的。即便如此，我们每天还是必须与他们相处。有时候，可能镇上只有我们是真教会的信徒，但这也不意谓就必须与他们交往。只要我们保持距离，画清界线，爱情不全然是无法抗拒的。
纵使周遭的朋友都在把玩男欢女爱的游戏，即便如此我们却也不必随之起舞。我们不需体格壮硕的男友或是窈窕身段的女友来让朋友刮目相看，而是要让神因我们可以在充满罪恶、淫乱的大环境之中保守信仰，而对我们赞许有嘉。
We dont have to be searching for our spouse or partner because God has your life written out. He knew what was going to happen through out your life before you were even born. He had carefully planned out all the good, the bad, every scratch and scar you have and every emotional or physical strive you go through.
So we must trust God in our relationships and trust that he will find the right person. We shouldnt take dating a gentile as a light matter because it is actually a serious sin that can lead to deadly sin.
我们不需要刻意去找寻配偶，因为神早已有安排。在我们出生前，祂早就知道我们一生的道路。祂缜密地安排我们一生当中可能面对的各种酸甜苦辣，以及身体、心理上的挣扎。在交往这件事上，我们必须相信神，祂会为我们找到正确的那一位。我们不应该将与未信主的人约会视为无伤大雅，因为那的确会导致致命之罪。
Our God is the one true God and he would never do you wrong. Put your trust in him and keep it in your prayers that he may find you a loyal and god loving partner to spend your days with and to serve the Him together.
Pray for the guidance of the Holy Spirit and abundantly trust in God that he will fulfill your life and shower you with blessings. So the next time your faced the a temptation, dont give in to that alluring female co worker, or that cute guy sitting in front of you in English class. Keep your distance and God will look after you.
我们的神是唯一的真神，祂不会做错事。凡事交托给祂，并放在祷告之中，祂会为你安排一位敬神爱人的伴侣共度一生服事的道路。为了能够顺服圣灵的引导而祷告，要时时刻刻相信神会满足你的生活，以恩霖滋润你心。下次当你面对诱人的试探时，别向他／她轻易举起白旗。记得要远离罪恶，神会看顾。
备注：Hoanne是一位16岁的高中生，出生于加拿大，生长在传统中国家庭但受西方教育长大的第二代海外教会青少年。
她曾见过同学吸毒、加入帮派、换男朋友像换衣服一样。她所接触的学校环境是非常开放而且淫乱的，不只是观念，连行为也相当开放。
但在周遭同学眼中，都认为这是正常，这种同侪的压力，不知不觉也影响了教会的青少年，她看见这许多人，曾经疑惑，也曾徬徨，因为“异类”的感觉并不好受。
2009年6月底她参加教会举办的青年活动，在每天的课程中学习思考主的话语，当她写下这一篇“当转角遇到爱时？”我们可以从中看到这位年轻姊妹，在人生旅途上又有更大的成长。