Sister in Christ
I
Eager hands open the clasp of my childhood Bible Words float easily before me A simple step away from bed, I kneel and close my eyes I speak the prayers on my mind And God’s touch is sweet.
The strong voice of the preacher on a Sabbath day Plucks a harmonious melody That warms and satisfies my soul. The harvest is plenty but the laborers are few; I willingly put up my hand and offer what I can.
My service begins with a simple melody as the congregation sing It moves on to a short Bible study as those around me share; I start the clock and I stop the clock. From seminar to seminar knowledge increases:
I’ve read this particular passage many times You don’t know what it means? Let me tell you and listen to my wisdom. I too can pursue with maturity That’s what you and you expect.
II
A seed falls effortlessly from a blackened mind and lands In the centre of my heart; I let the seed stay Small fragile thing I let it stay.
My voice gets louder My hands work faster and feet run harder In the house of the Lord, I begin to dry myself out with
cleaning, cooking, preparing, organizing, speaking, leading, guiding, explaining, writing, reading, praying, singing…
My breath is caught in a tangle of works that clutch determinedly around a weary heart And I’m tired.
I will do the work because it needs to be done I will do the work because I know how it has to be done I will do the work because that’s what should be done I do the work.
Hands avert their hold from the tattered Book on the floor Knees refuse to bend and touch the worn carpet Eyes only close to the call of sleep and not to the call of prayer.
III
Tentatively I place my hands on the floor and rest on apprehensive knees My left hand finds my right hand and they anxiously grasp one another Warily, I shut out the light and close my eyes I try and reach out to You.
Faint words fall dryly from proud, demanding lips I turn from left to right - I can’t seem to see my God anywhere There are no whispers from Your mouth Just echoes from noises that issue from my lips Dreadfully I search for You and the path seems so unfamiliar.
What is this selfish wall that looms in front of me? We are separated I am alone
In the dark and far away.
IV
I search for You in the Book You gave me It is placed irregularly on the floor, dusty and neglected. My hand shakily turns the pages: where are You? Where are You? My hand stops, eyes rove along a multitude of verses No longer an echo, Your voice begins to whisper:
I speak to you through bars I speak to you through high fences I speak to you through pride’s sinful wall that has captured your pitiful heart. Break through. Disentangle your feet. Return to Me.
His words flicker before my darkened eyes He’s showing me the way He’s giving me strength to see my wrong I see and comprehend.
I built that wall, O foolish heart Those wild weeds were watered by my vanity Those fences wrought by my unsteady hands Those bars fashioned out of pride and immaturity. Careless heart, so easily seduced, I cannot look at you anymore.
It is time for me to take you down Piece by sinful piece; It is time for me to break free.
V
My voice grows faint and You grow dim How can I be sure it’s not a dream? My knees shake and agitate, my body rocks distressingly My prayer is weak, I cannot cry And weeds wrap around my feet Oh small black seed, I let you grow too wild.
I take Your words in both hands and hold them close to me The tighter my hold, the more it hurts My heart begins to bleed repentantly. With tears I cut away at roots I fight my way through high fences I cry and shout through bars that obstruct me I reach the wall and sink Your words into the center of my separation
Return to Me and I will return to you
Your holy words blaze through my soul, engulf and sear my heart.
A final tug An excruciating pull Heart beating faster, body trembling My hands rest on the floor Tears stick to my burning cheeks. And then all I see is You You fill my vision and
I am overwhelmed.
VI
I am here, I am here. I’ve been waiting for you for so long.
Can you feel Me flutter around you, as you shake and tremble? Let Me circle you and wrap your damaged Tear stained soul with soothing ribbons of peace Talk to Me, confess to Me, speak to Me your heart I’m listening.
I am before my God, naked and shameless, stripped of the sin that bound me He faces me, His ears are open. Lips part and streams of Spirit words tumble-fall out At first they splutter and choke and then there’s no stopping They go on and on and on.
Unburdened and light I float free and easy Time stops and all healing balms wrap tenderly around me so smoothly; I don’t know when I stopped crying.
VII
Racing heartbeats are smoothed and steadied. Shoulders stand upright and tall Eyes slowly open and floods of familiar surroundings bring me back to earth Hands unclasp, balance, and firmly push me from the floor.
My body is light; I am weightless.
The sun beams through a window and warms my face Outside, bright green grass and cerulean skies Flash so brilliantly, I squint And dimple my cheeks in broad smile.
I pick up the Book and smooth the cover flat Holding it close to my chest— Wisdom revealed herself to me in the smallest of words Flipping from page to eye and she stays tucked In the deep folds of my heart; Lined pages of my service to God are open on the desk before me Fingers excitedly touch pen marks and ink spots and I
Am so happy!
Because the Lord has reopened the door for me And it’s time for me to walk through. This time, however, He shows me where to put my feet because He is in front of me And I begin One foot in front of the other.